Tuesday, August 28, 2007

The Funeral

Saturday was the funeral service MawMaw and Friday night was the viewing. We drove up to McComb, MS Friday night and stayed the night in MawMaw's apartment. The kids did pretty well at the viewing, Kaiden was a little creeped out and didn't really know what to think. Joe and I both walked up there together while I was holding Kaiden and he was really taken back. I explained to him again that MawMaw was now living in heaven w/ Heavenly Father, Jesus and PawPaw and I reassured him that we would see her again. I was surprised at myself for holding it together pretty well. It's just so hard to walk up to the casket b/c even though she looked great it wasn't her and they never look the same.

Later on Kaiden said he wanted to see MawMaw so I went to take him to the casket. He did not want me to hold him and would say, "Its not scary, It's not scary" which is code for "I'm really scared". I told him no its not scary and then he slowly walked up. He looked real quickly and then would walk away. I tried to pick him but he said no. Then he went up to my mom and told her, "MawMaw's dead". I wasn't sure what to say it just sounded so harsh. So we asked him where she was and he just repeated us (which he does a lot if he's not sure what to say). Then we asked him who is MawMaw living with now and he would answer "Jesus and PawPaw" which was really good to hear. I was able to see a lot of family I haven't seen in a long time and Joe was so nice to take care of the kids and keep Kaiden occupied and out of trouble. Kalli for the most part didn't want to be held by anyone but me. So many older women were there that kept trying to hold her and she'd start to cry/scream each time. There were too many unfamiliar faces and everyone was trying to give her kisses. I had to wipe lipstick (which wasn't mine) off her face so many times. Me, Joe, my sister Shannon and the kids left a little early to grab a bite to eat.

Afterwards we went to MawMaw's apartment a few minutes away and tried to get settled in. My parents were planning on staying in the old farm house (where my mom and PawPaw grew up, right next door to her brother) which is 30 minutes away. No one lives there and they weren't sure if they'd have to get things ready for bed so they decided to stay with us. So that made 5 adults and 2 kids in a small two bedroom apartment! I put Kalli to sleep in the spare room in a port-a-crib and then Kaiden in the other port-a-crib in the master bedroom. My dad worked on the eulogy and me and Shannon were going through some of MawMaw's jewelry. We stayed up visiting for a little while and then Joe and I went to bed. I had a hard time falling asleep b/c Kaiden was making a lot of noise in his crib. He's used to being sprawled out in a bed and now he's confined to a small space. He kept kicking the side of the port-a-crib netting and it was driving me crazy. He would kick his feet and then they would slide down the side over and over. I would doze off and then he would do it again. Plus the little box fan we had in the room was making weird noises so I finally got up to switch it out with the one in Kalli's room. During the process she woke up and was very alert. I decided to feed her again to help her go back to sleep. My mom was going to bed also so I sat in bed w/ her while I nursed Kalli and mom kept kissing her head and she got wild again. I tried calming her down but finally put her in the crib and let her talk and whine a little. Mom told me in the morning it didn't keep her up so that's a good thing b/c I went to bed even though Kalli was still up b/c I was exhausted. Poor Shannon didn't sleep at all b/c Dad was up late with the lights on and Nana was sleeping on this crappy fold out couch. And she ended up moving several clocks off the walls (MawMaw is a clutter freak!) and into the bathroom b/c the ticking was driving her crazy and my dad woke up super early and had lights on again! Poor thing but none of us really slept good. Joe and I wish we would of made the 1 1/2 hour drive back home and then drove back the next day. Kaiden woke up at 6 am!! Which is unheard of w/ our schedule...he saw me and Joe sleeping in the bed and kept whining, "I wanna go home." I finally got up and put him in the bed w/ us but he kept talking and wanting to play so I got the portable DVD player and put a movie on for him. It at least bought me an extra 1/2 hour of sleep.

The sleepless night just set us up for disaster the next day. We got to the service and were able to visit for a little while. Kaiden enjoyed seeing his Auntie Autumn and Carmen again. We walked up to the casket one last time and that was really hard. Kaiden was really upset that eh couldn't see MawMaw's feet. He kept asking where they were and telling me he wanted to see them. Once it was time to start we sat down and and they closed the casket. As we sang my grandmother's favorite hymn, "How Great Thou Art", Kaiden was very sad that he couldn't see MawMaw anymore and kept telling me he wanted to see her. I was already teary eyed from the song and he was making it worse! Poor kid he had a hard time accepting that he wouldn't be able to see her. Once my dad started the eulogy Kalli started to get real fussy. Joe stood in the back with her for a little while and then moved outside. He was outside for most of the service trying to get her to sleep all while she is screaming. When I went out there at the end to take her so he could be a Paul Bearer he was so hot and sweaty. I felt so bad but I'm so thankful that he allowed me to stay and listen. My dad did a great job and brought tears of sadness and happiness to our eyes. I'm just so glad I was able to grow up with her in my life and that Kaiden was able to get to know her a little too; and at least Kalli has a few pictures with her.

After the service we went to the grave site and then back to the church to eat. It was a long day but the kids handled it pretty well. After lunch my family went back to the grave site and took a few pictures and then we went to my uncle's house to visit with our cousins. It was a long day and I'm thankful its over and for the knowledge I have that my grandmother is in a better place. I know she is happy there and would probably not come back even if she had the choice, but I will be able to see her again and for that I am so thankful. And I thank you all for your sweet comments and prayers for me and my family at this time. Ya'll are truly great friends.

The 5 siblings (last time together for next year and a half)
Carmen, Me, Aaron, Shannon, and AutumnKaiden and Uncle Aaron

Kaiden and his cousin Kaylea

The 5 great grandchildren
Hana, CJ, Kaylea, Kaiden and Kalli

1 comment:

Holly said...

I felt tired just reading about the trip. It sounds like Kaiden did well; he is such a smart kid.