In Memory of

As many of you know my grandmother has been really sick. I wrote a little about on a previous post but haven't said much since. She's been in the hospital since July 23 with a fractured vertebrae and then got pneumonia in both lungs. She's been in so much pain b/c of her back that we haven't taken her out of the hospital. Last Monday she was moved to a different hospital and early Tuesday morning the doctors called my uncle b/c they thought they were loosing her. Luckily she kept fighting and was stabilized. Which was a huge blessing b/c my mom had just decided to drive to Utah with my dad to bring my sister, Carmen, a car and see my other sister, Autumn, graduate. My parents were only in the car for a few hours when they got the call from my uncle. They pulled over on the side of the road and prayed and waited to see what they should do. My mom finally told my dad to keep driving and later got the call that she was okay and MawMaw even had the energy to talk to her on the phone later on that day. It would of been awful for her to have gone while my mom was out of town.

She was so torn on what to do b/c she wanted to be there for her mom but it was so emotionally and physically draining and she didn't think my dad should make the long drive all by himself plus she wanted to see Autumn graduate. Luckily she was able to make the drive safely with dad, visit with old friends, and they both got to see Autumn graduate from BYU.

Meanwhile the procedure that would have helped MawMaw with her pain was not able to be done. They found out that she didn't have a fractured vertebrae but a burst, which is more painful and a much more complicated surgery. The doctors did not feel that she was strong enough to be able to recover from the surgery so she was in a lot of pain and they were just trying to keep her comfortable.

My parents flew into Baton Rouge late Sunday night and mom drove to Mississippi on Monday. She spent all day with her Monday and Tuesday and she had a scare Tuesday night. She was outside on the phone and the nurses ran out to get her b/c MawMaw was very short of breath and they didn't know if she would make it. She pulled through the night and this morning was breathing much better but very slowly. After my mom had breakfast she held MawMaw's hand then turned to put her tray up and MawMaw just stopped breathing. Mom said it was quick and painless. Its so sad but I'm so glad to know she's in a better place now where she's not hurting anymore. Its been so hard on my mom to have to see her mother the way she was.

She was a wonderful woman and I will miss her dearly. I hate that Kalli will never know her. Kaiden loves MawMaw and it was so tough telling him today that we won't see her again. I waited until Joe got home and had Kaiden sit on my lap. We talked about how MawMaw had been sick and GeGe (my mom) had been staying with her. Then I told him that she had died and went to live with Heavenly Father and Jesus in Heaven. He just sat there so quiet and calm on my lap like he wasn't sure what I was trying to say. Then I said she's with PawPaw and we would see her again one day in heaven with Jesus and Heavenly Father. He asked where heaven was and I tried to explain that to him. I told him we would see MawMaw one more time but that she would be laying down and not moving. He was still just sitting so still on my lap and I proceeded to say that b/c she had died we wouldn't be able to play with her anymore. Well that did it! He looked up at me with the saddest face and puppy dog eyes then he put his head on my chest and just held it there. I could hardly contain myself. I instantly starting teary up and was having to fight back my tears! I asked Kaiden what was wrong, he didn't answer but when he looked up at me his eyes were filled with tears. I asked him again what was wrong and why he was crying but still no answer. So I asked if he was sad b/c he wouldn't be able to play with MawMaw again. He repeated me (which is usually an agreement). I explained again that we would see her again in heaven and that Jesus loves us so much that he died for us so we could all be together again. He really listened and a couple more time while talking he put his head on my chest. It was so sweet and heart wrenching at the same time.

I'm just not sure what will happen when he sees her Friday at the viewing. He has been to a funeral with me before a couple of months ago but he didn't know the person like he did MawMaw. It hopefully will help that all my family will be there. Even Autumn is flying back for the funeral and Carmen will be here too. It sucks though that we'll have to say good bye again to Autumn...so that just means more crying!

I'll try and do a slide show tomorrow.